Comparing Yourself to Others

 

I distinctly remember my first show, I think I was 9. We didn’t have a horse trailer, so my mother actually rode her aged pony Fritz from our house to the local riding club 3 miles away on our busy road. After they arrived, I remember riding around the ring for the first time and my mother shouting from the rail “You’re on the wrong diagonal!” 

“What’s a diagonal?” My child self asked. I'd never had a formal riding lesson in my life. The only teacher I’d really had was Fritz, and I’d learned mostly everything from him during the hours spent riding around the lawn, getting bucked off and pulling myself together to scramble back on.

My riding has been mostly figuring out things for myself. Learning from mistakes and injuries. Watching others, interpreting judges placements, and reading old issues of Equus and Dressage & CT. It wasn’t until I became an adult that I realized the most important judge is the horse you’re working with.

I spent too much time comparing myself to others. I was operating in a scarcity mindset; there are only so many ribbons, and my own feelings of self-worth hinged on another's opinion. Sure, I had some blue ribbons and championship trophies; but my white, pink, and green ribbons were greater in number. Looking back, competition didn’t bring out the best in me. Don’t get me wrong, I had some truly great rides that stand out in my mind that I’m very proud of and I’ve met some great people. I learned a lot of valuable lessons and I’m grateful that I had those opportunities because not every kid does. But deep down I was trying too hard to prove myself. 

I thought that I wanted success; that beautiful blue ribbon. But what should have been paramount was my sense of satisfaction: that I had done the best I could by myself and my horse regardless of the outcome.

What I always wanted deep down was to be like Alec Ramsey, riding on the beach of that deserted tropical island on the Black; alone, wild and free. And I still want that.

Even if that means falling off into the surf a few more times.