Why “Sufficient Horseman”?

‘Sufficient’: “Enough to meet the needs of a proposed situation or end.”

Enough.

My blog used to be titled “The Self-Sufficient Horseman” since I live on an island, I don’t have a regular trainer, I trim hooves myself and do as much as I can on my own to keep costs down.

I’m a sensitive person by nature, but quickly learned that came with it’s own set of problems as a child, so I worked on hiding it to protect myself by forging an armor of strength and self-reliance. And that’s pretty lonely, but it’s what I had to work with. The thing is, I didn’t move out of that mode when I moved out into the world. I was independent, I couldn’t rely on anyone else. And then that turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy, continually perpetuating itself becoming cemented in my psyche. Until that started not to work anymore, and then the self-doubt took over which combined with my already frail sense of self-worth.

But I have these things that imply my worth! Like my Parelli Level 1&2 certificates, and my American Riding Instructors Association Certification in Stable Management and my Maine Dressage Society Bronze Medal and these opinion pieces that I wrote that have been published in a magazine and all these ribbons and trophies and… and…

Those are things that imply my level of knowledge to other people, not my own self-worth.

I sat in front of the computer screen, wondering why I even had this blog anymore. I don’t have time to write it, some of my views and methods have changed and who really reads it anyway? Am I actually helping people with it?

I looked up at the URL bar: sufficienthorse.blogspot.com. “It’s supposed to be self sufficient!”

But that sounds lonely, and a bit self-asserting.

Sufficient? Enough. I am enough. Haven’t I been trying to tell myself that?

And so the “Self” went away. But I’m still here. I’m still doing the work, but from a different place.